I can see signs of Christmas everywhere I look. I see the joy in others faces. I’ve sang every Christmas song possible since November 1st. I saw Santa Claus at every store and mall since the beginning of December. I’ve directed three Christmas Plays, which all received rave reviews (if I do say so myself). I know in my mind that it is Christmas; however, my I cannot feel it in my heart.
Christmas has always been my most favorite time of the year, and still is. Not because of the presents or anything like that. I love Christmas because of the Reason for the holiday. That God sent His one and only Son to be born, only to die for us. God is so amazing and fabulous that my feeble mind cannot comprehend All that He truly is. I love being able to spend time w/ my family and friends and sharing the Christmas Story together. I love being from a Christian home that believes it is important for us to give back to those who are less fortunate than ourselves. For at least a decade, if not longer, my family has taken trips to an area that has been hit by a flood/hurricane/other natural disaster to give a little something back in the Name of the Lord. I am so blessed beyond words.
However, this Christmas is so so so different than I had expected. I knew that my brother’s death wouldn’t be easy to overcome. However, I’ve never been an emotional person. Believe me, I can let my emotions run wild, just not the negative emotions, nor am I a dramatic person either. For example, during the funeral services when family and friends were in abundance, that people referred to me as "the rock." I would laugh and carry on (not disrespectfully) but I found myself comforting others who came to pay their condolences to me and my family.
I have been very busy in the last couple of months with Christmas Play practices and stuff. But all that was over with this past weekend. I have found myself slowing down and actually realizing that it is Christmas. But I cannot feel it in my heart. Since I’ve slowed down, I have realized how hurt, heartbroken and crushed I really am. I have literally lost my best friend. I know in my heart that my brother is spending Christmas in the most wonderful place ever, Heaven. But it is sad to know that he won’t be at my house for Christmas, that he isn’t going to be a part of his daughter’s first Christmas.
Healing takes time, so I have been told. I just didn’t know that to heal you had to hurt so bad.
I am going to make this the best Christmas as I possibly can. My brother may not be here with us in person but he is with us in spirit. All I can do it show his daughter how her daddy used to be and help to give her the things that I know David would have wanted her to have/do. David may be gone, but his legacy will live on, as far as I am concerned.
Please keep my family in your prayers. Christmas will be harder than any of us expect. Pray that we can cherish the memories we have and that we may find comfort in the Lord.
Merry Christmas all! I love you all dearly! Deidre
Deidre, David and Nancy Easter 2006 David was always a funny guy. We apparently were not ready for this pciture!